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18-Oct-2020 07:27

Breaking up is generally hard to do even when we really want to and know that it’s the right thing.Affairs can be extra tough to walk away due to fear that you haven’t been understanding and patient ‘enough’. There’s also that all-pervasive fear that you’re going to break up with Mr Married/Attached at precisely that moment when he was actually going to leave his wife/girlfriend.There’s also no point in dating if it’s a way of passing time in the hope of filling in the gap until the married guy potentially becomes available.The only time you should date is when you are genuinely ready to move on and Mr Married/Attached doesn’t figure any longer.

Exploring the reasons that contributed to your desire to be in this relationship will also ensure that you ‘re able to gain a fresh perspective, heal and move forward.

Think very hard about whether you want to continue living on the fringes and in the shadows of his life? Is this affair taking you towards your needs, expectations, and wishes or in the opposite direction?

Remember that occasions like birthdays, Christmas, New Years won’t have to be spent waiting for his call or snatching a moment together.

If you can afford it, go away for a few days or a week for a bit of r&r or go and stay with friends and family. Instead of being in watching TV with your feet up waiting for his call, be out. If you think you’ll be tempted to be swayed, change your mobile phone or block his email address. You’d be surprised at how many women act in secrecy.

Turn off your phone and let loved ones know where you are so that they (and you) don’t worry. This plays even further into the affair partner’s hands because it’s incredibly isolating.Whatever story he’s told you about why he’s with both of you, the cold hard truth is that he’s chosen not to leave because having the best of both worlds is what he chooses (and wants). Blaming her for his infidelity and blaming you for why he hasn’t left ignores the bigger picture of the real issues.