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Despite one pervasive misconception that transgender people transition for the approval or acceptance of future sexual partners, when I transitioned there was nothing about the forthcoming experience that assured me I would be seen as desirable. But when you’re trans, it’s hard in a completely different way.
I didn’t know if I’d ever have the chance to be loved. It’s all too easy to internalize the assumptions that we are rudimentary facsimiles of the people we actually want to be, or that we take on a lifestyle that’s all about mutilating our “God-given, natural” bodies.
Laverne Cox has discussed the stigma around men who love trans women.
Though I don’t necessarily agree that they are more stigmatized than the actual trans women they’re involved with, I do know that they deal with their own specific struggle.
In the wake of these tragedies, I try to to nix my own feelings of dread and shame as soon as I meet a person.
Now I typically come out via text message or on my online profiles.
” or the misguided “I’m not gay.”These misconceptions don’t just negatively affect the trans women involved.It’s not very personal, but it lessens the possibility of a more life-threatening situation. A few people — both men and women — have had a sense I was trans before I even told them.Other times, potential partners seemed to feel pity for me and quietly congratulated themselves for deigning to date me; I’ve had to check the value I’ve placed on cis people who dared to consider me worthy of their attraction.He was pretty homophobic and transphobic when I originally met him, which he attributed to his upbringing.
He was a black guy, of Jamaican descent, and he often explained that coming from a single-mother household put more pressure on him to be a certain kind of man.
That didn’t stop the intense expression of confusion that spread across his face.“So you’re a man? “Do you know how lucky you are that I’m not, like, crazy?